Why can't I control my emotions?

 Anytime a person acts before he thinks, it is difficult to control emotions. Being happy, excited, and great moments can interfere decision making, and likewise negative emotions such anger, frustration, sadness, rage and prejudice.

The key is to acknowledge your feelings and observing them. Don't try to suppress them, let them process and just notice how you feel. There's a saying, go with your heart, but take your head with you. 

Can I control my emotions?

The answer is Yes. Our emotions are spontaneous and involuntary. It means they happen automatically. Its like we feel sad or happy by thinking or seeing someone. What is in our control is how we react to those feelings. Controlling emotions is like turning down the volume on their intensity and changing the channel to a different emotion. 

However, we often criticize ourselves for feeling negative emotions, which make things more worse. Just understand that its pretty okay to feel every emotion. Criticizing or suppressing them won't do any good, instead it will harm your self-esteem.

Strategies to become emotional intelligent 

Emotional intelligence refers to ability to understand and manage your emotions, and recognize emotions of others. 

• Shift Your attention- It deals with shifting your focus through some physical activity. When feelings are intense, try to press your hands together gently or putting your hand on your chest to feel the heartbeat or your breathing. Listen to music as it is an instant that can change your mood.

• Practice self-care activities- Eat more nutritious food, get adequate amount of sleep, watch a comedy movie, go out with your friends, go for a walk in the park, painting or do whatever interests you. Do what makes you feel good.

• Engage in inner work exercises- As I have already discussed in earlier posts, activities like self-introspection, meditation can help you to a great extent when coping with stress, anxiety and depression. Give at least 20 to 30 minutes to yourself to know yourself better. It can help you to know the root cause of your traumas, triggers and what affects your mood.

• Identify what triggers you- People and situations that trigger you are quite unpleasant and it's natural to avoid them. At workplaces or homes where one cannot avoid them for long, try to set boundaries. Understand that not everyone would like you the way you are and don't take everything to your heart. Just don't react to everything, its your biggest power that would send a message that you are not interested in talking to them.

• Withdraw from hostile conversation- Understand that you don't have to engage in conversation when someone is becoming hostile or uninterested. Instead try saying, This conversation is important, I can tell I/you are becoming upset. I believe we should take a pause and continue after sometime. Taking a pause can strengthen your relationships.

• Compose yourself before talking- Just prepare yourself mentally to maintain your calm during conversing anything that you think can hurt other or trigger them. It will have a lesser impact on your mental health in case if anything goes off the track.

• Give another turn to speak- Its the key in maintaining healthy relationships. Prioritize hearing others. Listen to what they say and try to understand them, instead of opposing them. Many a times people listen to give answers which make others feel offended. Know that every person has his/her own beliefs and perception. Communicate with a polite tone. 

• Stop accusing others- Avoid blaming others for your reactions and responses. You done this and that's why it turned me angry, or it is because of you the way I reacted this way. Stop this and take 100% responsibility your reactions. Think before you speak as you cannot take back your words.

Learning to regulate your emotions and controlling them is something that can be developed and improved with practice, patience and self-compassion. Embrace the opportunities when it feels difficult to control your emotions, as it will help to improve and grow your emotional intelligence.